Illini Christian Ministries

Making the decision to parent your child or not is very important. There are a lot of different things to think about. Babies are cute and cuddly – everybody loves babies! But, babies are also a lot of hard work and a huge responsibility. Often in an unplanned pregnancy the mother fails to plan and therefore, she parents. However, in this situation, she often is not the quality of parent she would have been if she had planned to parent.

Do not let other people influence your decision. You need to sit down and be very honest with yourself and answer these questions. Write them out if that is helpful. After you have finished looking at all of your options write out a pros and cons list for all the options for both you and for your child. Then you will make a more responsible decision.

Do I enjoy children? Do I like to be around them? Can I tolerate childish behaviors?

Have I cared for any child(ren) more than 24 hours at a time? Babysitting is very different to being a parent.

Am I a patient person? Could I handle a crying baby for several hours when nothing seems to soothe them.

How do I react when I am upset or angry? How do I handle disappointments?

Do I get along with my parents and others?

Would a baby interfere with my personal goals and plans for the next few years?

Am I financially stable enough to care for a child in addition to my needs?

Am I finished with my education, or could I continue? What do I really want for my life and future?

Would I be willing to cut back on my social life and spend a lot of time with my child? Or, how would a child affect my social life? Or, how would my social life affect a child?

Am I capable of handling my own health, safety, and know how to meet my child’s needs?

Where will we live?

What does discipline really mean to me? Am I ready to guide and provide the right environment for a child?

How will you provide a father or father figure for your child?

Answering these questions and others that a parent or friend may suggest does not give you the decision. You may go through these questions and say yes, I could do this. But, this is not a two or three year commitment like going to school. This is for life. If your answers to the financial questions included using public funding do you want to rely on this method of support for years to come?

Children are dependent upon their parents for their basic needs for years. They do not become independent at pre school age – they need care day and night. They do not always behave well, nor are they always loveable. They can be hungry and tired when you aren’t. They may want to play when you want to sleep, or they may have an ear infection when you need to go to class. If you sacrifice your future to raise your child you could become resentful later in life.

If you are planning to live with your parents are you assuming that they will take on some of this responsibility? Sometimes parents will say they’ll help, but unless you have talked at length and made a formal plan, writing down responsibilities, then you may be expecting something that won’t happen and all of you will be disappointed. And worse, your child will suffer from being in the middle of the conflict. Even though you and your parents may have very high hopes - statistically the grandparents become the primary caregiver to the child and this is not what you originally planned. How will the father of your baby fit into these plans? With the best made plans it often doesn’t work well and there are a lot of adjustments to be made when a baby enters a family.

Parenting your child is a tremendous responsibility and a huge decision. You will want to thoroughly plan things out with those that will be supporting your decision. Contact us to help you make a parenting plan for you and your child.

If you are 18 to 25 with one or two children pre school age and/or pregnant you may qualify for our Young Family Support Program.